Simpsons Sundays #16: Treehouse Of Horror

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Ah, Treehouse Of Horror. That classic Simpsons Halloween tradition, where we get three spooky (or at least speculative) stories starring the beloved residents of Springfield told with no regard for canon—insofar as The Simpsons even has a firm canon. This episode is a special one, just because it kickstarted the entire sub-series. But does it hold up? And for that matter, is it actually scary at all?

The episode opens not with the typical Simpsons intro, but with Marge coming on stage to deliver a content warning; this was back before we used the phrase “content warning,” of course, but that's essentially what it is. She says that she doesn't understand Halloween—“kids worshipping ghosts, pretending to be devils…things on TV that are completely inappropriate for younger viewers! Things like the following half hour!” She goes on to warn that tonight's show, which she stresses she totally washes her hands of, is extremely scary, and that if you have sensitive children watching, “you should tuck them into bed early tonight instead of writing us angry letters tomorrow.” 

We then get a special intro, panning through the Springfield Cemetery while a spoooooky version of the theme song plays. The graves are all jokes—The Grateful Dead, Casper the Friendly Boy, Paul McCartney, Disco, etc. 

After our tour of the graveyard, we land at the Simpson home, where Homer is ready to tuck into his Halloween loot. Before he does so, however, he notices a light in the treehouse, and decides to see what the kids are up to. Of course, this being Halloween, they're passing around a flashlight and telling scary stories.

We catch the tail end of Lisa’s story, which seems to be a pretty standard “the call is coming from inside the house” affair. Bart is dismissive, saying he heard that story in the third grade and it's not scary at all. “Is too!” Lisa insists. “Is not!” Bart responds. They go back and forth like that for a bit, before Lisa challenges Bart to tell a scarier one. Bart is happy to oblige, requesting the flashlight and introducing his story as “really scarifying,” leading us into…

Segment One: Bad Dream House

We open on a sumptuous manor, which the Simpsons are in the process of buying. Homer signs off on the house, and tips the realtor one (1) dollar. The realtor, offended by such a paltry tip, comments that he's glad there's a curse on this place. Homer goes “huh?”, but shrugs it off. 

Marge comments that she can't believe how cheap the house was, and Homer says they just had a motivated seller. Marge is still unconvinced, citing the prime location, the whopping eighteen bedrooms, and the fucking moat, and thinks it seems a bit too good to be true. Right on cue, a book flies from its box and hits Lisa in the neck, prompting her to complain to Marge that Bart threw it at her. Bart claims innocence, and this time he's actually not lying. The family then hears a booming voice telling them to get out, and Marge asks what it was, but Homer discounts it as just the house settling.

That doesn't explain the blood dripping from the walls, of course, but Marge seems to think the place just needs a woman’s touch. That is, until she encounters a mysterious vortex in the kitchen. Lisa says it's a gateway into another dimension, and Homer responds by tossing an orange into it. In return, a crumpled-up piece of paper is thrown back out, which Lisa reads—a request to quit throwing garbage into their dimension.

However, that isn't the end of the troubles, as Bart calls for help from the living room, where he's being choked by a lamp cord while Maggie hovers in midair. Lisa says she can feel an evil presence, and Marge, horrified, tells the kids to grab their coats, because they're leaving immediately. Homer, conversely, tries to convince the family to stay, insisting that such an old house is bound to have a few problems, and that they saved so much money on it. Marge refuses to live in a house of evil just to save a few dollars, and Homer yells that it's a few thousand dollars.

As he does so, however, he's pulled up into the air, and comments on the high ceilings…before being dropped unceremoniously to the floor and suggesting they sleep on it. Marge agrees, but says they'll leave if anything happens. “What could happen?” Homer wonders.

In bed that night, Bart hears a voice telling him to kill everyone. He asks if it's his conscience, and the voice stammers before claiming it is. Lisa, meanwhile, hears a voice telling her to get the butcher’s knife, which she does. Homer has picked up an axe, and is muttering about how they all must die, while Maggie is going full Exorcist. Marge picks up a knife too, from the kitchen.

The family all comes out into the main room save for Marge, all brandishing weapons—even a paring knife for little Maggie. The voice booms that everyone must die, and the Simpsons circle each other with their weapons, laughing maniacally.

Marge, meanwhile, was just using her knife to make a sandwich—although why she felt the need to use a large serrated blade to spread mayonnaise is beyond me. She hears the commotion, and comes into the main room to see her family threatening each other.

Naturally, being Marge, she shouts at them to stop, and they all actually comply, apologizing to Marge and each other. Marge insists they're leaving, and Homer says she said she'd sleep on it. Marge, however, is adamant—sure, their family has squabbled, but they've never had knife fights before, and she blames the house. At this point, Lisa calls her parents over to look into the basement, where they discover an ancient Indian burial ground. I say “Indian” because that's what they say here, and because apparently Gandhi is buried there alongside multiple notable Native Americans. Bart exclaims that this place really does have everything.

Homer, infuriated, calls the realtor, saying he forgot to tell them it was on an ancient burial ground. The course of the conversation, however, makes it clear that he didn't forget at all, and when Homer hangs up, he says that apparently they were told five or six times. Which, yeah, that tracks.

The voice returns, saying they all will die, threatening them with all manner of graphic fates. This is enough to push Marge over the edge, and she screams at the voice to shut up and learn some manners. However, she's horrified by her reaction, saying she's never felt so angry.

Bart, meanwhile, attempts to get the house to bleed on demand. The house refuses. 

Lisa asks the house why it's trying to scare them, suggesting that it's trying to keep them from loving it, and the house asks her to leave it alone. Marge isn't having this, and angrily tells the house that her family isn't going anywhere, and they'll all have to live together so it had better get used to it. The house asks for a moment to think, and the Simpsons leave for it to do so.

The house briefly contemplates life with the Simpsons, but realizes it really has no choice, and implodes the fuck into oblivion. Bart declares this to be bitchin’. Lisa comments that after it chose to destroy itself rather than live with them, it's hard not to feel a little rejected, and the story ends.

Back in the treehouse, Lisa says Bart’s story wasn't scary at all, while Homer sits outside looking spooked. Bart then tries to scare Lisa with a fake (I hope) severed finger, but Maggie simply grabs it to use as a pacifier, grossing Bart out.

Bart insists the previous story was just warmup for his real story…

Segment Two: Hungry Are The Damned

The Simpsons are having a summer barbecue, and Homer pours an unhinged amount of fuel on the grill. Naturally, the moment he lights it, it erupts into a ball of flame that can be seen around Springfield, which Bart thinks is very cool. 

Lisa, lying on the grass, notices something descending from above, and we get this weird little shot where she stands still while the background zooms. 

It's a flying saucer, and it's here to abduct the Simpson family, like flying saucers tend to do. First it takes Lisa, then Bart, Maggie, and Marge. The tractor beams struggle a bit with Homer because he's a big boi, but eventually they manage to beam him up as well. 

The family is then greeted by the alien Kang, who, to their surprise, speaks perfect English. Except actually, they speak perfect Rigelian, which in an astonishing coincidence is identical to English. I like this little hand wave, it's so stupid.

Kang and their companion Kodos explain that they plan to take the Simpsons to Rigel 4, a world of delights, but Lisa begs for mercy regardless. It's at this point that a dining table is placed before them, and the Simpsons are told to eat up. 

Each Simpson gets one of their favorite dishes, with Marge commenting that they must be a very advanced race if they can make radish rosettes. One of the aliens encourages them to eat, but Lisa says something doesn't feel right. Homer agrees—he needs some applesauce for those pork chops! The aliens comment to Homer that Marge is “quite a dish,” which is obviously fucking weird and meant to make us think these aliens eat people.

Kang and Kodos show off their spaceship, which includes thousands of cable channels (but not HBO, that would cost extra) and…Pong. It's just Pong. Homer comments that he and Marge played that game before they were married, but Kang and Kodos point out that their species has mastered intergalactic travel, and ask anyone whose species has done so to raise their hands. Bart tries, but Homer smacks it down. 

It's then time for dinner. Lisa asks why they never see the Rigelians eat, and they say it's to save their appetite for the great feast when they land on Rigel 4, where they will be guests of honor. Obviously Lisa is incredibly suspicious, but no one else seems to be, simply happily stuffing their faces. 

The Rigelians then weigh the Simpsons, while Lisa goes off on her own to explore the ship. She oversees Serak the Preparer mixing something in a pot, saying it will give the humans a perfect flavor before heading off.

Lisa sneaks in, and finds a book with an alarming title: How To Cook Humans.

Lisa confronts her family with the book, saying that the aliens are fattening them up to eat them. Her family doesn't believe her, but then she shows them the book, and they realize she's on to something.

At that point, Kang or possibly Kodos comes in, admonishing the family for stopping eating, and Homer swears that nobody eats the Simpsons. They explain that it's a harmless cookbook that's just a bit dusty, and blow off the dust to reveal that it's called How To Cook For Humans. Lisa, however, notices more dust and blows it off, revealing the title How To Cook Forty Humans…but the alien says it's still got some space dust on it, revealing that the complete title is How To Cook For Forty Humans. Nicely layered gag, very nice.

Kang and Kodos are deeply offended that Lisa would think they were trying to eat them, and when Lisa asks why they were trying to feed them so much, they respond that they merely provided the family with a sumptuous banquet. Serak breaks down sobbing, and Kang/Kodos tells the family off for making them cry.

Kang and Kodos drop the Simpsons off back on Earth, explaining that they could've lived like gods were it not for their suspicious nature. Marge comments that they really rub in the whole “superior species” thing, and Lisa muses that they were the real monsters on that ship, to which Marge tells Lisa she's too smart for her own good. The rest of the family agrees, the ship flies off, and the segment ends.

At the treehouse, Bart is pretending to be throttled to try and get Lisa’s attention, and tells her to put her book away. Lisa explains that she's reading a classic scary tale by Edgar Allan Poe, and Bart scoffs at her reading a school book, but Lisa assures him he won't learn anything. Which leads us into…

Segment Three: The Raven

Okay, so this segment is gonna be tricky to summarize well, because it's just the classic poem The Raven portrayed by the Simpsons cast. Nevertheless, I will try my best.

We open on Homer in a spooky manor, napping in his chair with Forgotten Lore Volume II open in his lap. He hears a rapping at his chamber door, but dismisses it as a visitor, only this and nothing more, and nods back off. Bart complains that this isn't scary, and Lisa says they're establishing mood. 

Homer tries to sleep, but is haunted by his lost Lenore, played here by Marge, and some smoke monsters. He gets increasingly scared, even hiding under his chair as he tries to assure himself it was just a visitor. He begs the visitor for forgiveness, then opens the door to find darkness there, and nothing more. Bart is disappointed, saying that anything would be scarier than nothing.

Homer opens a window, and in flies the raven—played by Bart. The Bart raven perches himself upon the bust of Pallas over Homer’s chamber door, and Homer breaks down laughing as he asks the raven's name. Quoth the raven…

“Eat my shorts!” Bart interjects, before Lisa corrects him to the proper “nevermore.”

Homer smells the unseen censer, swung by seraphim Lisa and Maggie, and freaks out at his Lenore painting, but the raven just says, “nevermore,” which pisses Homer off. He demands the raven leave, enraged, but just gets another “nevermore,” and another. Homer then tries to strangle the raven, but he's bamboozled by the bird, and knocked into his bookshelf, where tiny ravens circle his head chanting “nevermore.” 

Homer chases the bird, but he continues to cause chaos, dropping several of Poe’s other works on Homer’s head. And that raven, ever flirting, still is sitting, still is sitting, on that gallant bust of Pallas just above his chamber door. 

Bart says that it wasn't scary even for a poem, but Lisa notes that it was written in 1845, and maybe people were easier to scare back then. Bart can see her point, citing Friday the 13th Part 1 as “pretty tame by today’s standards.” At this point, Marge calls the kids down for bed, and Bart comments that he'll have no trouble sleeping tonight. As the kids exit the treehouse, they unwittingly pass Homer, who is visibly terrified.

True to their word, all three children sleep soundly, but Homer is not so lucky. He lies in bed awake and begs Marge not to turn the lights out, which Marge responds to by assuring him they're just children’s stories and can't hurt him. Of course, just out the window, we see the Bart raven, taunting Homer, who comments that he hates Halloween before hiding under his covers. The end!

Look, I'm gonna be honest, this first Treehouse Of Horror was kinda mid. It's certainly cool that it got the ball rolling for such a delightful tradition, but they hadn't quite worked it out here, I don't think. I think The Raven is probably the most iconic segment, and that's primarily because it's already such an iconic poem. That said, I do like the framing device, and wish they'd kept doing that past a certain point. I think I'm only giving this episode a 6/10, though, as it's not especially funny or scary.

So for the next two weeks, I'm actually going to be taking a break from the blog, as I have friends visiting from out of town! I'll be back before you know it though, and I'll see you then when we cover Two Cars In Every Garage And Three Eyes On Every Fish! Hold tight, and don't forget to subscribe if you haven't yet so you don't miss any posts. I'll see you soon!