Simpsons Sundays #24: One Fish, Two Fish, Blowfish, Blue Fish

how am i supposed to watch an simpsons episode on a sushi?

This one was a bit of an interesting experience, I gotta say. It's got a very clean three-act structure, and that works to its benefit, but unfortunately it's also burdened by a weak, at times offensive first act. That being said, the rest of the episode is, without a doubt, a certified classic–both funny and emotionally affecting, with some of the most heartwarming moments of the series up to this point. So let's dive in!

Genuinely obsessed with this chalkboard gag. 11/10, no notes, absolutely flawless.

The couch gag is straightforward but funny. The couch topples backwards, and then Maggie pops her little head up. Very cute.

We open on Marge microwaving a meatloaf as Homer eagerly looks on. Gordon Ramsay would be fucking appalled by this, but whatever. The microwave dings, and Marge calls the kids over to “get it while it's unbelievably hot.”  Homer serves Lisa what he explicitly identifies as a dried-out end piece, prompting Lisa to lament the eternal cycle of Thursday being meatloaf night. Homer asks what she's getting at, and Lisa responds that he's always telling her to be open-minded and try new things. Homer, of course, points out that nobody's trying to teach her that, but Marge thinks Lisa has a point, and proposes they go out for dinner tomorrow night. 

Homer is horrified by the prospect of missing pork chop night, which they haven't missed since “the great pig scare in ‘87.” Lisa continues to muse angstily about the inevitability of pork chops, and Homer relents, asking where she wants to go, to which she says anything other than hamburgers, pizza, or fried chicken. “Fine!” Homer sarcasms, “we'll go to MARS!!” Marge suggests the new sushi restaurant on Elm Street, but Bart is iffy on the idea, having heard on the playground that sushi is raw fish. Lisa admits that this is true, but says that the playground “has the facts right, but missed the point entirely,” and that sushi is considered quite the delicacy. Marge wants to try it, but Homer very much does not. Lisa tells Homer the argument humiliates them both, and Homer asks her what makes her think he'll say yes the second time when he said no the first time. “Nothing,” she replies, “but you may say yes the 99th time.” “Oh? Try me!” Homer fires back. 

It only takes six more times. I counted.

The Simpsons arrive at the sushi restaurant, The Happy Sumo, the next day, where they are greeted by shouting chefs brandishing knives, and yeah this part of the episode is where the whole “offensive” aspect I mentioned comes in. It’s probably not the worst portrayal of Asian cultures to come out of the early nineties, but uh…it's definitely not the best either. So let's just keep that in mind throughout the first act. Anyway, a hostess in a kimono and hair sticks explains that the chefs are just saying hello, and Homer responds by loudly shouting “HELLO!” back at the chefs. 

The hostess shows them the karaoke bar, explaining that while it's currently empty, it will soon be “hopping with drunken Japanese businessmen.” The family then arrives at their table, where their waiter, Akira, greets them. Marge asks what he'd recommend for “a family that's not sure they should be here,” and he suggests the sushi surprise as “very non-threatening.” Marge gets that, as does Lisa, whereas Bart gets two sharks, an octopus, and an eel. He asks if they have any giant squid, “the kind that drags men to their deaths,” but Akira says “not today.” Homer is struggling to choose, thinking it all looks terrible, but manages to order.

Which, okay, I've had two of the three fish Bart is getting (for ethical reasons I will not be trying shark any time soon), so it’s time for a tangent: it's wild to me, as someone born in 1993, that sushi was considered something exotic and even bizarre in the early 90s. Like, I was raised vegetarian, so I didn't actually try sushi until I was 17, but it never struck me as terribly strange or anything–it was extremely mainstream in the US, or at least in California, for as far back as I can recall. Definitely a cultural dish, but about as ubiquitous as chow mein or lasagna or tacos. I guess I’m just surprised it's that recent an import to the western world! 

The master chef expertly cuts up a fish. The apprentice chef cuts up a smaller fish, and the master chef tells him it looks like it was cut up by a blind woodsman, instructing him to hang his head in shame. Shortly thereafter, the Simpsons receive their meals, including a big bottle of Duff Japan for Homer. Homer picks at the sushi, and quickly realizes that it's actually tasty as hell, declaring, “This fish is delish!”

We cut to the karaoke lounge, where an anesthesiologist named Richard Sakai—yes, like the staff member—dedicates a song to his wife Patty. Not that Patty, a different Patty. He sings with passion, that's for sure.

Homer orders more sushi, enthusiastically accepting Akira’s suggestions, while the kids hang out in the karaoke lounge singing the theme to Shaft for some reason.

Homer asks what fugu is, and Akira explains that it's pufferfish, but tries to warn him against it. Homer, however, insists, and Akira nervously walks to the kitchen. The kids are still singing the Shaft theme. It's a lot.

The master chef hears a horn honk, and realizes his hookup has arrived, asking the apprentice to cover for him. Akira brings Homer’s order, and the apprentice is hesitant, given that if sliced improperly, it's poisonous, potentially fatal. Akira points out that sliced properly, it can be quite tasty. The apprentice tries to get his master, but he is about to get it on with Ms. Krabappel and wants none of it.

The apprentice then tries to cut the pufferfish using a diagram, but it deflates, complicating matters. He does his best anyway, and irresponsibly lets it be served to Homer, who devours it.

The master comes in from his hookup, and realizes with horror that the fugu was sliced incorrectly. The staff all comes into the Simpsons’ dining room exclaiming in Japanese, and the apprentice tells Homer he has reason to believe he's eaten poison. Homer is obviously panicked, but the staff assures him there's a map to the hospital on the back of the menu.

Homer sits in an exam room, muttering about how he's never heard of a poison pork chop. Dr. Hibbert then enters, with a depressed-looking Marge in tow, saying he has to break some news to him. Homer says he can read Marge like a book, but immediately proves himself wrong by thinking it's good news. Dr. Hibbert, however, informs him that if he did in fact eat the venom, he only has 24 hours to live. (Actually, 22, Hibbert kept him waiting.) He assures him it’ll be painless until sometime that night, when his heart explodes, which…okay, fugu toxin is a real thing but I’m preeeetty sure it doesn’t work that way, but whatever. Marge and Homer embrace, crying.

Hibbert explains that Homer will go through the five stages of grief, which Homer proceeds to speedrun as he lists them. Extremely good gag. He then leaves, but first hands Homer a pamphlet: “So You're Going To Die.”

At home, Homer makes a list of things he wants to do during his last day, while Marge weeps. Homer points out that he's the one that's dying, not her, and Marge asks what he's going to tell the kids. Homer says he won't tell them anything–it'll just upset them, and he wants his last hours of family life to be happy ones. Marge then asks if he knows what he's gonna do tomorrow, and Homer says he almost does, but can't remember the word Marge uses for when they…y’know. Marge suggests when they're “intimate,” and Homer writes it down, although he spells it “intamit.” Marge suggests that they get up early and watch the sun rise, and Homer agrees.

Of course, when the alarm goes off, Homer reflexively shuts it off, and proceeds to sleep in till 11:30. Homer asks why Marge let him sleep so late, and she replies that he looked so peaceful, which Homer retorts he'll have plenty of time for later–he's got important stuff to do! 

He then goes to fulfill one of the items on his list: a man-to-man with Bart. Bart initially thinks he's being punished, and bares his ass for a spanking, but Homer explains that he just wants to talk. He tells Bart that after him, he's the man of the house, and begins talking about responsibility, which Bart objects to because he's Bart. Homer tells him to shut up because this is good stuff, and shares the three sentences that will get him through life: “Cover for me,” “Oh, good idea boss!,” and “It was like that when I got here.” Bart acknowledges that this is good stuff, and Homer takes him to learn to shave.

We see that Homer is not the best at shaving, as he needs to stick many pieces of toilet paper to his various shaving nicks. He then makes the ill-fated choice to apply aftershave, stinging his cuts and causing him to wig out. Bart grabs the aftershave, and breaks the bottle by accident; Homer is pissed initially, but when Bart says “It was like that when I got here!,” Homer embraces him, exclaiming, “Oh, that's my boy!”

Homer then goes to listen to Lisa play her sax. Lisa assumes he's gonna tell her to cut it out, and is baffled when Homer wants to hear her play, but Homer refuses to explain and tells her to share her gift. Lisa plays some sad blues at first, which Homer begins crying at, but then shifts to When The Saints Go Marching In, which Homer sings and dances along to, getting some of the lyrics wrong (“WHEN THE SAINTS GO OVER THERE!”) but very much getting into it.

After this, Homer drops by the Flanders home to borrow Ned’s video camera, so that he might make a videotape for Maggie. Ned welcomes him in, and invites the Simpsons to a barbecue the next day. Homer declines, before realizing that he's not gonna be there tomorrow and accepting. As he leaves, he laughs about the morbid joke he just played on Flanders. 

He then sits down to film his tape for Maggie. He says he's speaking to her from beyond the grave and makes spooky noises, then says he hopes that didn't scare her. He goes on to state that she's all grown up now, and if she hasn't taped over it, she's probably wondering what kind of man her dad was. “He was a simple man. A kind man. A gentle man who loved his children and–” The phone rings, Homer says “d’oh,” and it's Milhouse. Homer yells at Bart to get his butt down there. All on tape, of course.

Homer’s next stop is the Retirement Castle, to make peace with his dad. He acknowledges to Grampa that they've never been close, and have never even hugged, and Grampa responds in his typical gruff fashion. “We've never danced the hoochie coo either, what's your point?” Homer, voice breaking, admits he loves him, and Grampa wells up in tears, saying he loves him too and embracing him.

Homer says he has to go, but Grampa says they've got a lot of catching up to do, and suggests they go fishing. At first, Homer tries to refuse, but he can't bring himself to.

Cue a montage of Abe and Homer palling around, as Homer realizes he won't have time for everything on his list. Homer eventually manages to leave, with Abe hugging onto his car before he manages to lose him, and comments that his dad is a little love-starved. 

He then drives off, but gets caught speeding by the cops. He demands they just give him a ticket, but instead, he's sent to the county jail, which is…disproportionate, I'd say. 

In the jail, Homer’s cellmate plays a harmonica, and Homer asks what he's in for. “Atmosphere,” replies his cellie. GOOD JOKE. A cop then lets Homer make his one phone call, but Homer feels he can't drag Marge into this, so he opts to call Barney instead. He's greeted by a novelty answering machine tape, which he angrily rants at before Barney finally picks up. Homer explains that he's in the county jail, and Barney waves to him from his adjacent apartment window. Homer then tells him he needs fifty bucks for bail; Barney balks at the cost, but dutifully attempts to scrounge up the money.

Meanwhile, the rest of the family is all dressed up for a family dinner, with candles and the good china. The children ask why as Marge sadly looks out the window, to which she listlessly responds that “sometimes it's fun.” Lisa asks why they're waiting for Homer, and Marge says, “Because we love your father and enjoy his company,” but Bart asks why they're really waiting, and Marge can't bring herself to say.

Barney is a bit short on bail, but gets Homer out anyway. However, he's appalled that Homer is dying and didn't even stop by Moe’s for a last beer with his friends. Homer explains that it was on his list, and then spots Mr. Burns, realizing he has a chance to tick off one more item: telling off his boss. Burns is ogling women’s ankles, and as they drive by, Homer takes a page from his son’s book and shouts at him to eat his shorts. Burns swears to discipline him on Monday morning, but of course, Homer isn't thinking in terms of that being possible.

Barney begs Homer to go to Moe’s with him, and Homer obliges, but tries to call Marge instead of going up to the bar. However, at this very moment, Bart is pranking Moe with a call for one Seymour Butts, so the line is busy. Homer, depressed, gets his beer. Homer then tries to give a tribute to his friends, but can't find the words, so he just…fully kisses everyone. Yeah. (homer smip. son bi sexu?)

Homer tries to get Barney to rush him home, but his tire is fucky, so instead he just runs. Marge worries about him, but at that moment, he bangs on the living room window. He quickly kisses each of his children and tells them he loves them, before rushing upstairs to be intamit (sic) with Marge.

Marge tells Homer she wrote a poem for him, and reads it to him. At first he thinks it's corny, but then it comes to affect him deeply, and the two kiss before we tastefully fade to back.

Homer bids farewell to each of his kids. He tells Maggie to stay as sweet as she is, Lisa that she'll make him proud, and Bart that…he likes his sheets. RIP Bart I guess. 

Homer then finds a copy of the Bible on tape, narrated by Larry King, and decides to spend his final night listening to it. He fast-forwards past all the people who begat other people, before falling asleep, slumping in his chair.

The next morning, Marge awakens to find Homer not in bed, and rushes to find him. When she finds him in his chair, she believes he's passed away…until she notices the still-warm drool on his chin. He's alive! I mean, of course he is, they weren't really gonna kill off Homer, but still! Marge joyously wakes him, exclaiming that he's alive, and Homer is overjoyed, vowing to live life to its fullest.

Of course, this being Homer, we end on him eating pork rinds on the couch while watching sports. Hey, living life to the fullest looks different for everyone.

Aside from the weak first act, this was one of the best episodes of the season so far. Perfectly paced, genuinely emotional, and really funny. The first act does drag it down a bit, though; I can't give it a perfect score. But I can still give it a really good score, and I'm going to. This one is a 9/10, folks.

Thanks for bearing with me during my restructuring of my schedule! Remember, I'm working on my first bonus post, which I should have out sometime this week or the next–if you wanna support my endeavors, consider becoming a paid subscriber to gain access to posts like this upcoming feature on Bart Simpson’s rap career! If you can't afford to but you wanna support me anyway, feel free to subscribe for free and share my posts! Thanks again, and I'll see you in two weeks for The Way We Was!