Simpsons Sundays #7: The Call Of The Simpsons

never go camping kids!

Alright, I’ma level with you: I had zero memory of this episode before I rewatched it. In fact, even after rewatching it, I only vaguely remembered it. And I really don't know why it failed to stick in my brain, because it's pretty damn solid! Guess I'm just forgetful.

I have to say, this is the first time I've actually been guilty of the crime Bart is doing chalkboard time for. No I will not elaborate. 

The couch gag is an intriguing subversion of the “character pops out” variant we've gotten so many times in season one. It looks and sounds like someone will, but then nothing happens. Funny, I guess?

We open with Homer and Bart working in the yard, with Bart stuck using a shitty push mower to mow the grass. At this point, one of the Flanders kids (I'm not checking which) rides by on a fancy riding mower, complete with a parasol to give him some shade. Bart asks Homer why they can't get a decent mower like the Flanderses have, and Homer tells him to just be happy with what he's got. Of course, Homer is a massive hypocrite, given that when Ned drives up in his fancy new RV he's barely containing his jealousy, especially once Ned begins shilling the various lavish features.

Homer asks Ned how he can afford such a luxurious vehicle when he only makes $27 a week more than Homer does, and Ned explains that he bought it on credit. (Hope you can pay it off, Ned!) This gives Homer an idea, because of course it does.

Cut to the RV lot, where the “proprietor,” Bob, sees the Simpsons and thanks God for his fortune. Marge tells him they're just browsing, but Homer asks if they have anything better than the Land Behemoth. Bob says they have the Ultimate Behemoth, which is a FUCKOFF HUGE RV. Bart asks if it has its own satellite dish like the Flanderses’ does, to which Bob reveals that it has its own satellite, the VanStar One. Oh, and it also has four deep friers, one for each part of the chicken. Marge repeatedly insists that they can't afford it, but no one else is listening.

The family then tours the interior, which Lisa comments is better than their house. Marge continues to grumble about the price–justifiably, I've gotta admit. Homer asks Bob how much it costs, and Bob, sleazy fucker that he is, butters Homer up, comparing him to a Roman god (and then calling him Zeus, which…that's the Greek name but whatever) before taking him into the credit office to discuss matters further.

Bob tells Homer that he won't quote him a price until he checks his credit rating, but stresses that it's only a formality. (He also mentions that he doesn't actually own the place in the course of his slimy ramblings, which is why I put “proprietor” in scare quotes earlier.) Unfortunately, as soon as he runs the credit check sirens start blaring, because the Simpsons’ credit is THAT godawful. Bob says Homer couldn't afford the Ultimate Behemoth if he lived to be a million, and Homer, desperate to not go home empty-handed, inquires as to whether there's anything that's not out of his price range. The good news is, there is! The bad news is that it's this piece of shit.

Everyone groans, but Bob assures Homer that he'll never own a better RV, and lies about some dude planning to buy it if he doesn't. So of course, Homer agrees to pay $350 a month for the giant hunk of junk, and shows off to Ned–who, being Ned, is genuinely supportive–before they head off to go camping. SIMPSON FAMILY VACATION!

Side note, check out the janky texture on the road here. It’s so ugly.

Now, given the nature of this RV, it should come as no surprise that Homer is the only one excited about this. The kids play a game of What's That Odor to pass the time, as Homer weaves the vehicle out of traffic…and off the road entirely. Marge, voice of reason as always, tries to convince Homer to check the map, or stop and ask for directions, but Homer is having none of it and drives the RV through a fucking stream. Lisa is scared. Marge says they're all scared.

Homer hits the throttle, and the RV careens forward, with the family begging him to stop. And he does…right on the edge of A FUCKING CLIFF, leaving them teetering precariously. 

Fortunately, everyone gets out okay. The RV itself is not so lucky, crashing off the cliff into a cloud of smoke and leaving the Simpsons stranded in the fucking forest with no supplies. FAMILY FUN?? Homer sure tries to frame it that way! But naturally, everyone else is shivering and scared, especially poor little Maggie. Lisa tries to calm her by pointing out some birdies, but those birdies happen to be circling vultures, so maybe not the most calming sight. Then again, maybe Maggie doesn't know what that means. She IS baby, after all.

Homer assures a nervous Marge that they'll be fine, as he's an experienced woodsman, and says he'll go off to get his bearings. By this he actually means “sit on a rock and lament that he's murdered them all,” and regrettably the canyon causes his anguished cries to echo so his family can hear them. Homer tells the canyon to shut up, which it doesn't, and then lets out a nice, hearty “D’OH.”

We cut to the Simpsons making a simple shelter in the woods from a hollowed-out log. Homer and Bart head off to find help, and Lisa reminds Homer that the handle of the Big Dipper points to the North Star, which Homer is obviously too thick to understand the significance of. Maggie follows after them, which will be important soon.

Bart asks Homer if there are any dangerous animals in the forest, and Homer says not to worry about it–so long as he leaves them alone, they'll leave him alone. And don't act afraid, because they can smell fear, but there's nothing to be afraid of right?

Cue Maggie sucking on her pacifier, which Homer and Bart mistake for a rattlesnake. They flee immediately, leaving A ONE-YEAR-OLD INFANT alone in the fucking woods. GREAT JOB HOMER. (And Bart, but he's too young to be fully responsible for an infant so I'll let it slide.)

As they pause to catch their breath, Homer points the way, claiming it'll lead them back to civilization. Experienced Woodsman™ and all that. But it doesn't lead to civilization at all! It leads to ANOTHER FUCKING CLIFF, hidden by bushes, which Homer and Bart run right off. They fall into the river, miraculously avoiding injury.

Back at the camp, Marge is housewifing the day away. Gotta cope somehow, I suppose. She comments that the others have been gone a while, and hopes Maggie isn't slowing them down. BUT NOPE, Maggie isn't slowing anyone down. MAGGIE IS ENCOUNTERING BEARS.

Thankfully, Maggie has a spare pacifier, and sticks it right in the bear’s mouth. This calms the beast, and they sit together for a bit. They have an understanding.

A now-nude Homer, meanwhile, splashes around at the bottom of the waterfall, searching for Bart. Fearing the worst, he begins to cry out in despair, before Bart reveals himself on the opposite side of the river, also naked. The two laugh for a bit over their nudity, and Homer gets to be a Jungle Man.

Meanwhile, Maggie is in the bear den. The bears seem confused by her, and confer.

Homer tells Bart that the first rule of the forest is to conceal your nakedness, and the two fashion some pants out of grass and mud. Bart complains that he's starving, and Homer decides that they'll set a trap to catch some food, using a sapling to tie a noose (which Bart guesses is to hang themselves). As luck would have it, a bunny hops into the trap! As BAD luck would have it, the trap just slingshots the bunny across the forest, into the distance. 

Homer suggests that next time, he'll just go into the bushes, make a lot of noise, and flush out a rabbit, and tells Bart to step on one when it comes out. He goes into the bushes, but emerges being attacked by various woodland creatures. Bart can't really work with this, and just watches on.

Elsewhere, a family with a baby camps, expressing disappointment in how little wildlife they've seen as a bear watches on. The husband expresses how unlikely it is that they'll encounter a bear, and makes a big show of trying to summon one. The bear sneaks behind him and steals the baby’s bottle, bringing it back to the cave for Maggie–along with a wide assortment of toys. Baby’s gotta get enrichment!

Marge and Lisa sit at the camp, Lisa worrying about the rest of their family. Marge reassures her that they built a fire while knowing nothing about nature, so just think of what her Experienced Woodsman™ of a father must’ve accomplished! lol. lmao even. The two fall asleep, in a tender moment.

Homer and Bart attempt to sleep, but they're cold and uncomfortable, and clearly unhappy.

Maggie, on the other hand, is living the life. 

It's interesting how many scene cuts there are here–it's clearly trying to do the A-plot of Homer and Bart being lost in the woods with the B-plot of Maggie’s bear friends, with Marge and Lisa relegated to what could arguably be considered a vague C-plot if you squint, but I'm not entirely sure it succeeds as well as later episodes with multiple plot threads at fleshing the secondary plots out. They feel kind of superfluous, but at the same time, the only way to get the A-plot to work is to separate Homer and Bart from the rest of the family, so I guess they're kind of necessary in their own way? I dunno, I think maybe the Maggie plot, as cute as it is, could've been fleshed out better. 

Homer and Bart trudge through the woods the next day, with Bart complaining the whole time (cannot blame him at all tbh). Homer spots a beehive, and is thrilled at the prospect of honey. Bart tries to remind Homer that bees exist, but Homer sticks his hand in the hive and shovels some honey into his mouth anyway. Honey, and live bees. Yeah. His tongue swells, garbling his speech, and he runs off to find water, instead landing in a puddle of mud. 

Good news! There's a photographer there! Human contact! Bad news! He thinks Homer is Bigfoot.

We cut to a news broadcast about how they totally confirmed Bigfoot is real with definitive video evidence, and how Springfield’s local tabloid is offering a reward to anyone who brings them the creature alive. I think the newscaster is a proto-Kent Brockman–the voice is the same, but his design is completely different. Weird, but okay!

Homer and Bart sit dejected on a log, while, unbeknownst to them, a bunch of Bigfoot-themed souvenirs are being sold outside the gates to the campsite. We discover that Marge and Lisa have been found by a park ranger, who says there's something horrible lurking in the woods and shows Marge the tabloid. Marge, shocked, comments that that's her husband.

Cue a tabloid montage.

 Marge insists his name is Homer. This does not dissuade anyone.

Marge is asked what her husband likes to eat, and is just…so confused about the whole situation. But she admits pork chops are his favorite.

The bears approach with Maggie in tow, but are shooed off. The interviewer asks Marge how she'd describe her marital relations, which Marge is not too keen to answer. Fair enough. That's nobody’s business but hers and Homer’s. 

Homer and Bart stumble into the bear cave, following the scent of fish, and are menaced by the bears. Thankfully, at that moment Maggie waves the bears off, and they reluctantly allow her and her family to leave, but not before an emotional goodbye.

As they exit the park, Homer is accosted with a net, because he's Definitely Actually Bigfoot despite that “fur” clearly being mud. A park ranger tries to talk to Bart, who is confused and offended, and as Homer escapes the net, he is shot with a tranquilizer dart. He collapses and asks Bart to avenge him, before falling fast asleep in his son’s arms.

Cut to Homer on TV, in a science lab, now all cleaned up and being fed. A narrator says that the so-called discovery of Bigfoot may have been nothing more than a fraud, but that science is uncertain. Dr. Marvin Monroe does a press conference, announcing that testing was inconclusive, while other scientists debate whether the specimen was human or beast. 

And I have to say, you couldn't do this plotline today. Not in the sense that it's offensive or anything like that, but because now we have DNA testing and could presumably prove Homer’s humanity quite easily with a simple cheek swab. But this was the dawn of the 90s–the human genome hadn't been cracked just yet. I find it so interesting how sometimes the advancement of technology can date artistic works in ways the creators probably never foresaw.

One of the scientists gives his final comment as Homer and Marge watch in bed: Homer is either a below-average man, or a brilliant beast. Homer grumbles, but Marge simply smiles, calls him her brilliant beast, and kisses him. Cute ending! 

Overall, The Call Of The Simpsons is a pretty solid episode that I'm shocked I didn't remember. It's definitely better than some season one episodes I remembered far more clearly! That being said, I do think it suffers a bit from plotting issues, although the three-act structure itself was pretty nicely done. It probably could've done with one more revision, y'know? But that's me being a bit harsh. I think it deserves a solid 7/10.

I hope you enjoyed this week’s adventure, and I'll see you next week for The Telltale Head! Thanks for reading, and be sure to share this post if you enjoyed it and subscribe if you haven't already!